$ updatedb # first update your locate databae
$ locate mysql.h # find out where the mysql.h resides.
On my system, the result looks like this:
$ root@baikal:~# locate mysql.h
/usr/src/mysql-standard-5.0.27-linux-i686-glibc23/include/mysql.h
/usr/src/php-5.2.0/ext/mysql/php_mysql.h
/usr/src/php-5.2.0/ext/pdo_mysql/php_pdo_mysql.h
So it seems that my mysql.h is under /usr/src/mysql-standard-5.0.27-linux-i686-glibc23/include/mysql.h. I happen to know that I have a symbolic link from /usr/src/mysql-standard-5.0.27-linux-i686-glibc23 to /usr/local/mysql, so I need to pass this into the configure script like this:
$ make clean && ./configure --with-apxs=/usr/sbin/apxs --with-mysql=/usr/local/mysql
and sure enough, this completes just fine.
hth
christo